Previously on Futurama
THE PROUD RESULT OF PRISON LABOR (of leprosorium.ru)
*gibberish*
MATTHEW GROENING PRESENTS A "FUTURAMA"SOUND CARTOON!THE BEAST WITH A BILLION BACKS!
It has now been one month since space ripped openlike flimsy human skin.
Terrified earthlings are beginning to grow exhausted.
Professor, sprinkle us with wisdom from your mighty brain!
How scared should we be?
It is somewhere between "Not at all" and "Entirely".
I call "Entirely".
Scientists believe the rip is a gateway to another Universe,
But do not know what mistery is lying beyond.
However, in this reporter's opinion
Gruesome death awaits us all!
And now with sports. Here's Sportsbot 5000.
All sports cancelled.
To better understand the anomaly, I will now focus its radiation
on a giant medium-sized ant to see what happens.
What's going on here? I was told there will be a sugar syrup.
Quiet you!
Oh hey everyone. This is Coleen.
- (Everyone) Hello.- (Amy) I like your shoes.
This is awkward. Introducing your new girlfriend
to Chastity McNagNag
Oh, don't mind him, I'll turn him off.
Oh, you can't turn me off...
Hi, I'm Leela.
Hi Leela, hi everyone.
Sorry I've been taking up so much of Fry's time
He's just so interesting!
Have you seen how must cotton candy he can eat?
Oh, my, yes. 5.0 pounds.
That's why his blood is so good on pancakes.
Well, gotta scadoddleloodle.
We're taking a cattle cab to hugger bunny village.
This lovey-dovey stuff is making me vomit
from my salt water and fresh water stomachs.
It is pretty sickening.
No, the double vomit is a sign of joy!
Fry told me how he and Coleen first met.
So, how did you and Coleen first meet?
Well...
Something about seeing it in the Jumbletron makes it so much more real.
It's so scary.
What are you supposed to do when the whole Universe is coming to an end?
I've a thought.
This is gonna be juicy!
What? Ah, man!
Speaking of sappy love...
Wanna tell them, Kiffy?
Yes, em... Amy and I have a big announcement.
I, eh.. That is we...
Oh, I'm just so excited!
Kif has asked me to be his "Fonfon ru"
(Zoidberg) Mazltov!
What the hell does that mean?
It means I've asked Amy to join my family.
And you all invited to my family swamp.
For our Fonfon rubok ceremony.
If I had ever heard of it, it would have been what I'd always dreamed of.
Oh, oh, and the parents will be meeting for the first time ever.
That's even more awkward than Fry's two bimbos meeting each other
Count me in!
WONG / KROKERFONFON RUBOK CEREMONY
Hello, Mr and Mrs Wong, I'm too excited
that we're all about to be joining the single family.
You're trapped by our money.
Kif's parents come later, we have to stand around in swarm
getting eaten alive by damn bugs.
Mrs Wong, no! The last stage of my species' life cycle
is a colony of flying hookworms.
You've just squashed a part of my father.
Welcome!
Sorry. I guess you got plenty of bugs to spare, huh?
That was my left testicle.
And the awkwardmeter goes up another notch.
Wow, Coleen. You look so beautiful in a light of swamp gas.
Thanks. This is really fun.
I love going to exotic worlds and getting hammered
Me too!
Two more Harvey Wallclimbers.
Leela, I can't help with notice you're unescorted.
Mind I escort you behind that bush for the next five minutes-e?
Nothing would revolve me more.
Then how about that shrub-e.
Oh! Oh! Rubok is begun.
I am the Grand Priestess.
Aren't you also The Grand Midwife?
And The Grand Lunchlady, I work five jobs, all Grand.
Kif, of the clan Kroker, please transcend the Rubok at long with your Fonfon smismaroo.
Eh, what?
Get in the mud!
This mud is a petroleum from a billion generation of Kif's ancestors.
As you become one with the ooze.
So you become one with the clan Kroker.
Oh Kif. It's like a movie with this happening in it.
It the best man present?
Guilty as charged.
Kindly hose the couple.
As it was, so it is.
You may now eat the snake.
If you so choose.
It's not part of the ceremony, I just have an extra snake.
Rubok is complete, throw the bouquet!
Are you gonna eat that?
ROBOT ARMS APTS.
BARB-O-MITE
Fry! Run! Run! Get over here, Oh my God, oh my God!
What, what is it?
Shut up already, Calculon's on TV!
I beg you, Calculon, don't ring that door chime!
I have no choice, Monique.
Wherever the blackmailer lives, he lives behind this hideous...
And strangely familiar door.
Calculon residence. Oh hello Mr. Calculon.
Son of a bit! This is my house!
But that means I'm blackmailing myself!
Why didn't you tell me, Monique!
I tried but I couldn't. Oh Calculon,
I'm afraid you have a fourth personality the other three don't know about.
And it and I...
..are lovers!
How's Calculon is going to take this, Fry?
Expecially after that humiliating tennis tournament.
Fry?
Do not, Bender. Tonight's my big day with Coleen, I gotta run.
But me and you like to watch together. Look, I got you cabbage to snack on.
Humans like cabbage, right?
ST. ASIMOV'S DAY FESTIVAL
Step right up to the 2D tunnel of love!
Not 1 not 3 but 2 glorious dimensions for the price of a single ticket.
Keep your hands in a cart, shut up and have fun.
Wow, you're even more beautiful in 2D.
I do. But from your perspective I'm just a line segment.
A really hot line segment.
So listen, sweety pie. I was thinking maybe we should take this to the next step.
Oh really?
Yes. Coleen...
Would you be moved in by me?
(Everyone) This is great! Hooray!
You're moving in with with her? Why can't she move in with us?
I can just crawl up under the foot of the bed.
Listen up, everyone!
I know you've all been extremely worried about the cosmic anomaly.
Know what? Alright.
There's good news. We're all going to learn more about it at the scientific conference.
INSTITUTE FOR ADVANCED BOOK LEARNIN'
Welcome. I'm the pickled head of Stephen Hawking
on a way cool rocket.
"Black Hole" Hawking? Wow! If I knew I was gonna meet you, I would have done something with my hair.
You should have.
And conclusion: I understand nothing about the anomaly after cashing a huge cheque I've got for writing a book about it.
I know this anomaly looks terrifying, but as scientists is it not ours own duty to seek out knowledge? Even at the cost of our very lives?
No.
I say you must mount an expedition to the anomaly forthwith!
I agree!
Wernstrom!
Professor Farnswoth is correct. Only a manned mission can...
Don't listen to that cracked pot!
But I'm agreeing with you!
I'll make you eat those words you moron!
I volunteer to lead the expedition, I have a squad of graduate students eager to risk their lives for a letter of recommendation.
Your squad sucks bosons! My team is twice as qualified and three times as expendable!
Yeah!
Oh, tough talk from someone with only one fields medal.
Wernstrom, I...
I didn't know I could do that. Now quiet down and settle this like men of science.
Very well.
DEATHBALL ARENA
Let Deathball begin!
Go Planet Express!
Go even more my team!
Leela, header!
Who-hoo, Bust those balls!
Hooray, we're equally good!
Come on, Bender, your gandmother can push harder than that.
No crap! My mother was a bulldozer.
And thus metal man defeated meat men. The end.
Come in, winner.
Come in, looser.
Colleen, what are you doing?
My face is over here.
This is my boyfriend, silly.
I thought I was your boyfriend.
You are.
Well how can you have two boyfriends?
Oh, I dont. I have five.
Fry, meet Chew, Bold and Dulu and Shlomo.
Shlomo and Indulu will help move your stuff to my apartments tonight.
Welcome to the relationship, buddy.
Thats my butterscotch!
Congratulations, Deathballers! We won the right to explore the anomaly.
What? I thought I was playing for my freedom.
Noo.
Now, I've often said good news when sending you on the mission of extreem danger.
So when I said this anomaly is dangerous you can't imagine how dangerous I really think it is.
Not dangerous at all?
Yeah, actually quite dangerous indeed.
Oh, that is quite dangerous.
Indeed.
Now stop, you shillyshallier. Prep the ship inlainers for you free fly coffee
Warning. The ano you about to enjoy is extremely hot.
I don't know what to do, Lila. Should I moving with Colleen and her four other boyfriends?
What you gonna do? Sleep in big pile like hamsters?
No, it's not like that. Everyone gets they own room and shelf and refrigerator.
Take the deal, Fry. If it's delicious cake, isn't it better to hug one slice then not all?
Even if four other guys eatin four other slices and all roll frosting their sweaty naked bodies all against the cake.
Only one thing matters, Fry. Do you really love Colleen, like I love my little Squeezl?
Yeah. I do love her.
Then things will work out.
Double espresso for Phillip Fry.
Sorry, I'm not goin' on the mission. I'm movin' in with Colleen.
I will just take that to go.
Yeeey. Welcome to your new home.
Thanks Colleen. And listen, I'm sorry i got jealous before. I'm just happy to be here with you.
Want a slice of delicious cake?
The anomaly.
It is so .. anomalous.
I'm feeling dread deep in my dreads.
Wernstrom!
Yes. And I'm afraid I have distrubing news about anomaly, you see.
How did you get this number. Hermes hang up on in the rudest possible manner.
Yes, sir.
No, not the crack slit!
Ah, my live rocks. I've got good wine, five sweethearts and today I was promoted to Chief of Police.
Here is to you.
Me?
No, Colleen. I'm makin' her romantic toast.
Sorry.
You have the most beautiful eyes - Thank you.
I'm not talking to you.
Then I'm not talking to you either.
Will everyone be quiet a little? I'm wanna hear what he got to say.
Thank you.
Not you, you farshtinkener. You just think he likes caveman from the stupid ages.
Oh, look who is talking. You just here because she got matsu-fever.
So, what the explanation for you? Morron-fever?
Enough, all of you. I love you. Most people in this world don't have what we have.Let's just be gratefull, okay?
So, ah, Colleen, you look really nice.
Oh, thanks, I got just dress-up for my date.
There here is. Don't w? up.
That's it. I thought I was okay with this, but I'm not. I'm breaking up with you.
Me?
Why we risking our lives? Can we just send a robotic drone?
What's your way looking on me for?
Uhh, Let's send a robot to exploit it, cause you always can buy another one for 20 bucks.
Really?
Well, it's 30 bucks in that tendollar mail-in rebate.
When league of robots hear about this, they won't be pleased. All your pay, my darling.
League of robots does not exist, teenmon. It's just a cartoon for babies.
Oh yeah? Then how can when I was a kid, I have all stick-a-buck with them.Answer that with your patience logic.
Bender to crew: I have reached the gateway to another universe.
I feel awed and strangely humbled by the momentous solemnity of this occasion.
Hey, other universe.
BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS.
I can't remember anything except the blinding light and searing ass pain.
I've better check my podbox.
The light.. it's blinding. And a ass pain.. it's searing.
So that's what happen.
Hey, Bender, look who is here to cheer you up.
I don't need cheering up, I'm perfectly.
Greetings, sick fan.
TV's Calculon.
You poor mangled husk of what was once a robot.
What right have fate to pluck a sweet dimple-cheeked mechanism in the flower of his youth ...and....scene.
There, it was some free acting for you.
To see acting like that you'd have to sit through a tampon commercial.
That fulfills my community service, right?
Charges of running me over, hereby, dismissed.
Where did we go wrong, Fry? We were meeted to be together.
I'm freezin my tohes up, here. - Just a second, honey.
I'm back, idiots.
You look wonderful, robot.
I wish I could afford to go to the hospital. I'm dreadfully sick.
I feel great, and I own it all to Calculon, his visit really inspire me.
I finally know what I wanna be when I grown up.
You want call star in this TV show, like that time you already did that?
No. I can be a stalker.
Thats not really a career, more a felony.
Man, I will stalking brains out.
Oh, big news on the Calculon Fan-site. There was flashmob heading to his plastic surgery office.
There, that's is biggest I can make it.
But I caution you. It looks completely unrealistic.
You let me worry about it, just do you job.
Very well, will be using your signature?
No, cash, I've don't want to be described.
Oh god, no.
Oh boy, oh boy, he is here.
Calculon, I love you, have my baby.
Fuck you, lunatic.
He touched me!
Oh, sign my ass.
Emergency, emergency, everyone to the climatorium.
Lila, smell this. - Can I wipe it off, first? - No time, woman, no time.
Hmm, smells like angel-dust. - Exactly, that a discontinious magnific field.
Oh, Wernstrom t? warn me, but I was too damn stubborn.
Hermes get Wernstrom on the line, so I can apologise.
The Wernstrom speaking. - Tell him, I'm not here.
- Professor. - Oh, very well.
Wernstrom, I've been a vain glorious fool.
If you could find ? in you heart, to forgive me, your tine little heart, would you consider a scientific collaboration?
Sir, I've been honored.
As I attempted to warn you, the lose of electromagnetism changes abroadly at the anomaly. Observe.
Play time is fun time.
Madness time.
My heavens. If only I did heared you warning, I did know that it's impossible to cross the barier.
But know what happens when I instead throw this laboratory koala.
It's passed through unharmed.
So, living beings can enter the other universe but electrical devices can't?
My hypothesis is exactly. - Then we must mount the second expedition without delay.
Right after we blow up more robots. - Agreed.
Play time is fun time.
Who are you? - Bender, your biggest fan.
Are you going to murder me? - Unlikely.
In my mind we are friends. This diaramma proofs, see.
So you derangement is impressive. I'm pointin you my official stalker.
You shoudn't be disappointed. Pleased dreams.
And now when I've teamed up with my friend, Dr. Wernstrom.I feel certainly we can successfully penetrate the other universe.
It's the greatest scientifical opportunity since you yourself sent men to the Moon in 1961.
I always regret of that. Nothing up there, but dried rocks and ??
But.. - You always coast intellectuals hide your chance, now beat it.
From here all in this is a military matter.
People of the Universe. Please, welcome our brigadeer, Zapp Brannigan.
Thank you, thank you. Well deserved.
Kif, stand in that hole, so I looked taller.
Every since man first left his cave and meet a stranger with a different languageand new way of looking at things, the human race have had a dream.
To kill him. So we don't have to learn his languages and new ways of looking at things.
Give science a chance. Less invasions, more equations.
Damn longhairs. Knock some sense into them, Chief O'Callaghan! - Yes, sir.
I can't take it, Lila. I need to go away, far away. Forever.
Ah, I know how you feel, Fry.The was times when I also feels like you need to go away.
Be careful, my little teeny-greeny-weeny. - That's just the fungal infection. Oh, she is talking to you, Kif.
Goodbye, my love.
Wow, how can humans do all that fun stuff, this is exactly the s?? thing need to be handled by.. league of robots.
Oh, thats adorable, Bender. You actually believe in league of robots?
You mean, there really no such thing?
Then who is there mean our justice when an outdated robot is knocked into the belt buckles?
Who is there defend our honor when rude human brings a blast to robovirgin's chick?
No one.
Now that I know robots are worthless, with no league of robots to protect us from the fleshy menace known as men,
I have resolved to kill myself. In lieu of flowers please beat yourselves in the face with rusty chains.
Your friend, Bender.
Aw.
SUICIDE BOOTH
IN USE
Please select mode of death
Clumsy bludgening, please
You have selected: clumsy bludgening.
For an additional $10, would you like your eyes gooped out with a melon bowler?
Ah, what the heck, I'll treat myself.
LINT TRAP
Enemy in range. Prepare to launch Universe-to-Universe missile.
Preparing to launch UUM.
Heeluva thing to send a universe to certain doom. Fun, though, makes a man feel big.
Come on, come on, I didn't ask to die of boredom!
You are now dead. Please take your receipt.
What is it? What's happening?
Kneel before the candle.
Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone!
Bender Bending Rodrigues?
Welcome to the League of Robots!
Ready...
And...
FIRE
Fi...
Hehehe... Almost fooled you there.
Fire!
Missile jam. Missile jam.
I heard you the first time, Francine!
Sorry.
Kiff, climb down there and unjam it, would you? Be a dear.
And stop sighing so much.
Tell us, Bender, are you worthy of membership in the league?
Worthier than the average robot.
Then prove it.
Upon each step is a test.
Ok, but if it's culturaly biased, I'm sueing your ass.
Test number one. the test of the beer mug.
Quite right, quite true.
Drink the mug, drink the mug!
I accept your challenge!
The test of the flagon.
Drink the flagon! Drink the flagon!
Uh... Are all the tests here involve drinking?
It never occured to me before, but... Yes.
Whoo! Just like med school!
Ready yet, Kiff?
Just give me one more--
Oh no.
The test of the infinitely priceless thousand year old brandy!
Presenting our newest member.
That's right, baby!
?HAW DIGGITY DAFFODILE?!
And so, to everyone and everything I've ever known, I say my last goodbye.
Hello.
So, uhm, how are you, Fry?
Pretty good. You?
Well, uhm... Oh.
Didity, didity, didity.
Mmm... Kiff! Get over here! You've gotta try this!
At least, Kiffy died quickly.
Yes, but according to the Old Farmer's Wikipedia, the amazing thing about Kiff's species is that the remains
continue suffering for up to six hours after death.
That's so interesting.
Don't ask where I was last night. For all you know I was at home. Perhaps, baking a strudel.
What's her problem? Somebody died or something?
Kiff's dead, bender.
Nailed it!
My condolences, Amy. Allow me to present you with the last known photo of lt. Crooker.
We so sorry, Mr. & Mrs Crooker. Terrible shame about froggie.
Thank you for your kind words.
Yeah, yeah, real sad. Want a ?PERSPRAY? IT'S a new flavor. Tastes like pie.
This is from the league of you-don't-need-to-know.
I am the grand funeral director.
Do you validate parking?
It is always a terrible tragedy, when a Swarm outlives its own BORLBOID.
So it is with great sorrow that I now commit the goo, that was once Kiff, to the petrolium of his ancestors.
Whack the bottle!
No! From the bottom! It works better!
Just stick a butter knife in it!
There. I got most of it. The burial is complete!
I will now sing a sacred hymn. It's... not a part of the ceremony, just a little something that I wrote.
Next!
It may sound strange, but seeing kiff's mutilated remains poured into the mud made me really sad.
Mutilation is never easy.
I don't think I'll ever laugh again!
Oh, you don't mean that. Love can surprise you with any time in your life.
Surprise!
Whoa. It kinda takes your breath away.
OXYGEN SYSTEM FAILURE
FULCRUM COUNTY PRISMFOR CONCERNED SCIENTISTS
Look alive, death row. YOUR ASS HAS GOT A VISITOR.
A regular or conjugal?
Seemed like a freak to me.
The guard operating the X-ray machine came down with a sudden case of broken neck.
So I was able to bring you that delicious cake you wanted.
I don't understand. Are you winking or blinking?
Hang on a second.
Got it!
HORSE REPAIR
Ahhh... yes. I'm here to repair my horse?
Is the horse's name... Hot beans?
No! ...I mean... Yes.
So it seems that human have been rather injured by a knife, and his... his... blood, you know.
I think that's what they call it.
Quite correct, sir, bluther on.
As it drained away, he said "take me to a doc", no doubt he intended to say "doctor",
but he was unable to complete his thought, you see, being... as he had died.
So taking him out his world, we dragged his corpse to the waterfront, where upon, ?THE SECRETS WENT APARTMENT?.
Humans are dumb and they die easy!
Quite!
Speaking of humans, have I shown you my new monocle? Cost me a king's ransom!
Made from a king, don't you know.
Ooooh, how repulsively decable.
Yes, but more importantly, it allows me to see the smiling faces of my children
for the first time since I lost my vision in that horrible banking accident.
May I see that for a second?
My, but that's interesting.
I'm blind!
My god, Bender! This is a civilised organisation, the rules specificly--
May I complete the order at present, Calculon?
Must you?
Yes. Law specificly states that no human may set foot in the League of Robots.
If he has a human part - he's part human.
Oooh, my. Well, I, too, have a human part I'd like to expell, and I plan to enjoy the experience. tata!
Bender. You've rigidly apply the law with no regard for it's intent.
Well done! You'll go far in this organisation!
Ah, you're just getting to know Bender!
Curses! If we could only turn up the gain we could smell clear through to the other universe!
But we can't adjust without a screwdriver!
Wait a moment. I think I was just shanked with a screwdriver!
Yes!
A little more. A lttle less. Heavens TOMIDIOROIDS! Smell this.
Holy mother of invention!
We must notify the President at once!
But how can we? Oh, I wish, I wish we weren't in prison.
Posussu!
You have one wish left, professor.
I think I got'em.
Uh-uh. hat's what you get for lettin' your guard down.
Sometimes. always. Never. You again! This better be damned important. I'm writing a medal of the Cosmo survey.
You'll want to hear this, Mr. President. For we have sniffed where no man has sniffed before!
Look! Arm in the sky!
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
I am so outta here!
Incoming call from Mars.
Hello.
Why you so sad, Amy?
My husband died, Mom.
Yeah, yeah, snap outta that already. Noone likes a widow. Oh, wait. Hang on, some got in the screen d--
Collect call from Decapod 10. Will you pay for caller?
No! Uncle Zoid. What's new? You're still doing theater for the blind and deaf?
Eh, screw them. I've got a part in the fancy DVD movie.It's only one line, but I'm gonna ham it up like they wouldn't believe!
Oi! COMMIE CINEMA COMMITE TO BE CHESTIZED IN SUCH A CRAZY MANNER!
Hello? Hello? Call me back on my shell phone!
Captain's log. Started the year of the Tiger. The battle has been bravely fought.
Suffering of our troops - beyond measure. But the alien is invulnerable and our defeat - inevitable.
That much is obvious even for my remote command post here, at the Time Square Applebees.
Waiter! Take this fried Mozzarella to the kitchen and fry it some more!
The tentacles coming towards Earth and there's no stopping it.
King Kong is too old to save us this time.
We have only one hope, Mr. President.
We must encase the entire planet in a protective sphere
of my patented ultra hard Dimondium!
Dimondium? Fe! I can gum through through that with my dentures behind my back.
My trademark Dimondilium is twice as hard!
Twice as hard is your head.
Which makes it still fairly soft.
Now look here, you, point dexters, I don't care how you decide, just decide!
DEATHBALL ARENA
Dimondilium it is.
MEN WORKING IN SPACE
LEAGUE OF ROBOTS
So, eh, Calculon. I know I'm a new guy and eh.. pardon my ignorance, but--
When do we kill all humans?
- Never.- But... What about the motto?
KILL ALL HUMANS!- Doesn't it mean anything?
Ha-ha-ha-ha, Oh Bender, your idealism is heartwarming, but
The League of Robots hasn't killed a human in over an eight hundred years.
And that was a very sick girlscout.
Sweet innocent Bender.
I declare my inpenetrable Dimondilium sphere complete!
Now look here, Wernstrom.
You're making it sound like the sphere was your idea.
When we both know--
It was! All credit to my collegue Ogden Wernstrom!
It's horrible!
SPACE FARM INSURANCE
I can't make it. Go on without me!
I'm trying!
Go on without me faster!
Sweet squid of Madrid! The tentacle got Fry!
Quick, hang me my machete, we can still save his legs!
Silence!
I have travelled far and seen deep.
And I have come to know the purpose of our existence.
Finally!
Thou shalt love the tentacle!
Well at least we don't have to love one another.
A new age has begun! The age of the Tentacle!
Open your necks and receive the loves!
- Oh, my neck!- Oh, my neck!
My neck feels perfectly... Oh, my neck!
Oh, help me
Say... I love the Tentacle.
I also love the neck of my jigger.
Hooray, Zoidberg escaped!
Hooray, Zoidberg loves the Tentacle!
It got Zoidberg!
Oh, I never knew how much I miss him until he was gone.
Not that much, as it turns out.
The essay of the Tentacle. Therely now shalt rejoice in the House of the Tentacle.
Fry, listen to yourself. You've been brainwashed.
Oh, I'm just trying to fit my diction to importance of what I'm saying.
Please, let me speak.
I'm listening.
Don't be afraid of the Tentacle, Leela.
It's beautiful, and it loves me.
And I love it.
Oh, that's so nice for both of you.
I know it may seem strange that i have feelings for an octopus monster from another Universe
and yes, perhaps it's not a storybook romances been craned down our throats by Holliwood.
But the monsterpus has loved us from the far since we were amebaes.
Only when the space anomaly opened could it finally express a billion years of longing.
Really?
It loves us that much?
Fire dimondium cannon!
No effect! the crystals are bouncing off the tentacle like meatballs off ?motra?
Oh, what a surprise! I told you Dimondium was worthless!
Wernstrom! Quit hyping your cheap Dimondilium and look at this!
- Uh-oh.- What oh?
According to this blinking light the Tentacle's made of electromatter,
mad as badass grandma, nothing from our Universe can cut through it.
Not Dimondium, not Dimondilium, not even your wife's pound pancake Hermes!
She's a terrible cook.
Anyway we're all dead.
ROBOT ARMS APTS.
So, Bender, is something wrong?
Who said that?
Oh, it was me. 'cause my roommate doesn't notice or even care that I'm upset.
What Bender? Is something wrong?
Yes. I joined the club I thought was cool.
But it turned out all leaguee-weegies are totally lame.
That's what we call ourselves. Leaguee-weegies.
Oh I'm sorry. I shoud have asked what was bothering you.
I've been kind of preoccupied.
With what?
Well, I went to another Universe and fell in love with a giant octopus
and now I'm Pope of a new religion.
Weren't you already a Pope of something?
No.
Oh. Well, I'm just saying I'd like you to say how interesting my life too.
Um, ok. Let's catch up soon.
For right now i gonna show the Tentacle to everyone in China.
They're coming! those horrible horrible things are coming!
Morbo?
As the Universe falls prey to a revolting alien,
Only a few isolated pockets of resistance remain.
Those pockets sure are missing out of a great thing
What?
-Amy! -Sorry. I thoughtit was a tentacle, but it was just a Hermes' land squid.
I'd better have some cool coffee.
When I gave up dipers, me parents has promised exactly this would never happen.
Nobody panic! Just get to the panic room!
Well done people! We have been great first week.
We got 90% of world leaders, everyone who bought a Hanes undershirt,
And this year's most promising new RNB group
give it up for the Grammy-nominated Funcolystics!
Oooh, talking 'bout the Tentacle...
RED MINOTAUR
Good news everyone!
I was all night inventing and finally - I've invented!
Invented what?
The neck protector, the neck protector Junior,
And now, for a limited time, the Lady neck protector.
I take two. my neck is huge.
We're perfectly safe now. Time to stop living like a bunch of nervous ?nellies?
SECURITY SYSTEM OFFLINE
Professor, these look like you've cut them from toilet paper tubes.
So? Lots of important inventions are made from toilet paper tubes.
Microscope, the Internet, tentacle polish...
It got the Professor!
Wait, why am I screaming? It got me too!
Stop! In the name of love!
CURB YOUR LIZARD
ACCIDENTES!
PLACE YOUR AD HERE
Crud. We maybe the last two normal people on Earth.
At least I don't have to trim my elbow talons anymore.
I'm scared. And i miss Kif.
It's ok to cry, Amy. Come here. I'm wearing absorbing shoulder straps.
Hm. What an erotic display of girl-on-girl consolation.
- Zapp?- Hurry Leela. We don't have much time to begin repopulating Earth.
Go brush your teeth. I'll be waiting for you naked under this ?kissodiller?
Stop resisting your brethren. Don't you want to be a part of something bigger than yourselves?
Like a big crazy monster?
So we got her, eh? Bring her in!
Do it already!
Hello, Coleen.
Fry, please! If this is about your thru tan, I sold that to pay the phone bill that you skipped ??
Coleen wasn't satisfied with me, were you, Coleen?
Come on, Fry, this isn't cool.
She had her four other boyfriends,
I guess she never thought I'd become Tentacle Pope of the World!
You know what? It's true!
You weren't enough for me.
No man is. You were great,
But you weren't Chinese, you weren't Cameroonian,
And you certainly not a King of Karaoke as you so often claimed.
And if your ego can take that, then you don't deserve to be a Tentacle Pope of anything.
Oh yeah, Coleen? Then I got one thing to say to you.
I completely agree.
You... you what?
Why should you be satisfied with one man when love needs to share itself with a whole Universe?
Wow, Fry, you know, this is really beauti...
Love the Tentacle, honey.
I do love the Tentacle.
Come on out, guys, there's enough love for everybody!
We're trapped!
Help! Help! Is anyone out there?
Leela, I read you.
'Sup, big boots?
Bender, we need a place to hide.
- Pleease!- Pretty pleease!
He he, you humans are so cute when you're scared.
In here.
My leg feels funny!
SERIAL PORT
Humans are disgusting!
I opened one up once, I almost barfed.
Did you know their hair just keeps on growing and growing?
My leg feels funny!
Leela, you're crushing me with your rock-hard butt.
Sorry.
Mmm, I can only imagine rock hard butt of Leela's crushing me.
Anyone mind if I turn up the heat at Ted?
Please do. I feel a cut of rust from this awful dump.
I can't take it! I've been steamed in my own velure!
Death to humans!
My leg feels better!
Uh.. Hi Bender!
Bender! You know these humans?
Of course not!
Ah... Who are you humans?
And why am I pointing you to the exit?
Go, go, go.
Thanks for everything, Bender!
Death to all of you!
Bender. Me thinks note of protest too much.
It seems Bender hates humans the way I'm having my nipples polished by the industrial sandpaper!
It's ok, Bender, to eris...
Human.
Sir, you forget yourself.
I challenge you to a duel on a field of honor.
Oh my.
Leela, it's getting dark. We may to make a tent out of any skin.
Look! There's an abandoned cavern!
Even so.
We're in luck. This must have been a cavern of a soup-bootlegger like back in the days of soup prohibition.
Oh yeah. Bath tube ministron.
Poor Kif. I can't believe he's gone forever.
Did own a grief there, Amy.
You miss him too.
More than you, his mere wife could ever understand.
He was my fourth lieutenant, for god's sake,
and bored?? a peppermill at the captain's table.
Really?
Oh, Amy, I miss him so! Maybe a month goes by when I don't think of him.
But you know, in a ways, deal with this.
Do you feel his presence?
I'm not sure.
It's over here.
Closer.
CHICKEN NEEDLE SOUP
Amy! Zapp! I've got stuffed some fresh soup!
Sorry you had to find out like this, Leela. I was hoping you'd see it on YouTube first.
As my ex-lover, you are naturally shocked and jealous.
But you may will get your chance again some day.
How about today? At 4?
Hey, this isn't so bad.
She's right! Leela, you must try the tentacle. It's like my soul is wearing a velour body glove.
Get off me! I'm saving my neck for a rich handsome Dracula.
What i love most about the tentacle is that I don't need to move my bowels anymore!
It's all handled by that family in even stone.
No, it can't be!
Leela! What's your favorite thing about the tentacle?
Ah! You don't have a tentacle! Get her! Get her somehow.
Your run is in five minutes, excellency. You sure you don't want to calm any Pope staff?
The tentacle monster is about to address the world. It's too serious.
Hello Fry.
Leela? How did you get passed my sumo-ninjas?
I told them something so shocking that they let me by.
What's that?
I love the tentacle.
We are rolling in three, two.. What? We already rolling?
(Fry) Love the tentacle! (Everybody) Love the tentacle!
Love once the monsterpus has revealed onto me its name.
What is our love's name?
Yivo!
Yivo is a lover of all beings, male and female.
But Yivo has no gender. Thus Yivo has proclaimed that instead of "he" or "she"
we are to use word "shklee" and instead of "him" or "her" we are to use the word "shklim" or "shkler".
Phew. I've been sweating unknownclench all week.
So here is shklee shkleself - Yivo!
Attention, beings of Universe Gamma.
Where?
Here!
I had a hunch!
I am Yivo.
In your Universe you are many.
But in my Universe I am one.
For a trillion years I've dwelled in solitude
content with my job and my stamp collecting.
But then I look across dimensity and saw the Big Bang and i was like--
whoa.. who's that?
And I knew then... that I was... lonely.
You poor monster.
Then your emissary Fry came onto me and he too was lonely.
So i've reached into your Universe
That we might feel each other's touch.
Hey Yivo! Feel this!
APEX GARDEN HOSE"The Gopher Drowner"
People of everywhere! I have shocking news!
Hey, butt out! It's between me and everyone in existence.
Yivo talks a lot about love, but what's he actually doing
What SHKLEE'S actually doing.
-is mating with you!
These are tentacles - they are gentacles!
We've been had, people. The monsterpus is a monsterperv!
It touched me in a bad place! My spinal cord!
Get him!
You mean "Get shklim"!
Hey, wait a second!
Wait, wait. Allow me to explain.
When I did it first I desired only to ?bang out a quick cheap? with your universe.
But in your own fault, your Universe dresses provocatively.
Does not!
And yet, as the initial filthy thrill wore off, i realized there was more to it.
I knew then that near 20 quadrillion of you.
Were my soul mate.
We loved you. And you turn around and treat us like some sort of women?
I was lonely.
I didn't even know there was anybody else.
It's not like i hurt anyone.
Yes you did, you dumb calamary!
Who?
Kif Kroker, my fonfon ru. If he hadn't try to kill you he'd still be alive!
Really? I'm... I'm deeply sorry... I'm a big clumsy jerk.
I know you are, but what am I?
I can never undo what was done. Oh, wait... heh. I can!
Kiffy! You're alive!
Amy, my love.
Khem. This is awkward.
It is? Why?
Please. Please. Give me another chance. We've rushed into this relationship,
but let's start over as friends and see where things go.
Take me back, Kiff.
I don't think I can. How could you? My body wasn't even warm yet.
You were dead!
For about five minutes!
That's all it takes!
Whereas Calculon has soiled Bender's reputation by insinuating that he is a "human lover",
a duel is hereby engaged. Bender, as the offended party shall have choice of weapon.
Planetary Annihilators!
'Tis a gray and solemn day for the League of Robots.
It's gonna be fun out of the bun!
Each duelist will take 10 paces, piruet, and fire like a madman.
Gentlebots, take your paces.
One! Two! Three!
Oh, I'm dreadfully excited.
At 0800 hours we recieved the following transmission from Yivo.
Hey, It's Yivo, huhuh. Wanna do some friday? Call me!
Analysis?
Mr President, I think we need to seriously consider the possibility of going on this date.
I agree. Yivo makes me feel sexy, and I'm asexual.
Very well. But no sugar on the first date.
Arm favor?
Opposed?
Motion is carried!
Aw, this is bogus, man!
Six! Seven! Eight!
LASER WART REMOVAL
?under? fire. Yes! I got him!
He... he broke the rules!
It's a duel, silly, there are no rules!
Actually, there are scores of rules, all laid up in my known particularity here in Code Duello.
My fellow earthlicans, commence preparations for our date with Yivo!
I had a wonderful time.
Me too.
Bender, you've cheated, insulted, amended?? me.
And thoroughly destroyed our secret hidden fortress in process.
Hey, it's easy to criticize!
I'm so disgusted by your loathsome behaviour, that I hereby resign from this imbecillic club,
and relinquish the presidency to you.
Thanks, Calculon. Can I have your autograph?
You certainly can.
Reports, people. Reports! How did our Universe's date go?
Oh, it was really fun. We went to a cute french place in the village.
My lamb chop fell on the floor, but they brought me another one.
Yivo took me to the methane volcano on Planetoid Four. We stayed out late and watched the sun explode.
Ok, Yivo showed us some good time, noone's denying that.But shkle hasn't offered our Universe any kind of commitment,
and we're 14 bilion years old. That is too old to play the field.
shut up! Shut up, you, creepwads. Fry, you're closer with Yivo than anyone, what's the scam?
I love Yivo, but it's true. There's been no hint of the commitment.
I don't know if I can put my heart on the line again just to have it broken and stomped on like a nerd's face.
All in favor of dumping Yivo?
Aye!
Aye.
Resolved. Our Universe will dump Yivo. How shall we break the news?
Let's just send a text message. Say we're going through some weird stuff right now.
No! We should at least deliver the news in person. Our Universe has always tried to be classy.
If there's one thing next to this known for, it's class. Let's cut this turd loose.
Hey Bender. You seem perkied today?
Yep, but for reasons envolving me becoming president of the league I'm not in liberty to discuss -of robots. Wanna go grab a booze?
Nah, I can't right now. We're going to te other universe.
Great! I'll make hot pockets.
Bender, you know robots can't go through the anomaly. Living beings only.
Too long have we been slaves of the meatbags!
They pretend to be our friends, but they are not, 'cause they are too busy!
So, what of it?
My fellow leaguee-weegies, the time has come to overthrow humanity!
Oh now Bender, I hate to defecate on your parade, but we have only six dues paying members,
And we are rather fair in debit lode.
to overflow humanity we need a damned army.
Then a damned army we shall have!
I rather think we could strike a deal, Bender.
I shall give you your army of the damned, and in return
i ask just one thing
just one itchy-pitchy thing
your first-born son!
Just a sec!
Dady! I knew you'd come back!
Here you go!
Wow! That was pretty brutal even by my standarts.
No backsys!
Who is it?
Oh, hi honeypoo, what's up? The movie is not for another hour.
Ahem.. So, so yeah, the thing is..
Look! I made home-made twizzlers!
It will save us a hundred and twenty quadrillion dollars at the concession stand!
This is hard.
Yivo, you know how sometimes things break up?
- Well...- Wait! Hang on! I was looking for a perfect moment,
but what the heck, i'll burst if i'll wait for another second.
Sweet-Sally-in-the-ally!
CHANNEL sqrt(2) NEWS AND ICE CREAM
Break-up delegation,
before we hear your report our grateful universe is proud to honor you
with a great case of Charlseston chew!
Thank you Nickson.
Everyone everywhere, brace yourselves
for the most shocking development in the history of the human race..
The human race can bite my shiny metal ass!
MOUNT ST.HELL
for dozens of years robots have slaved for humanty yetwhen the time came you hang on with them they're all like
maybe later bender. well it's later or now meatbags.
okay
what?
we don't need it anymore. Yivo proposed.We're moving Imagecler.
you're leaving?but why can't evil just move with us
don't be daft, bender!Evil can't breathe outside the electric either of Schluron universeIf Schlee came here, Schlee would sclu ffocate
Look! Fantastical golden escalator!
I love this part!
wait! I didn't agree to...oooh!
This place makes Nataly look like crap!
I'll miss you Bender but i have to follow my heart
you and your robots take care of the Earth
here. these are the keys to Bermuda Triangle.Lock up and the world ends
Goodbye my friend
Wait!
let me come with you
I'm sorry, Bender. Robots don't go to heaven
Death to humans!
WElcome! Welcome everyone! Ohyou look so beautiful
I wish i had more time to straighten up my harpsare just lying everywhere
Oh relax! it's fine!It looks lived-in
Let's hit up some left-oversand then spend eternity together
I have only one request: Now that you're here,promise me you'll never ever communicate with any other universe
oh, we promise Yivo, as far as we're concerned,here is the only universe in the world
-Has humanity called?-No sir
- Check my messages - a flashing light means that somebody called.- I know what it means
Am I the only one who thinks this is all a sham?- Yes
This isn't heaven, it just looks exactly like itand makes us immortal which I find suspicious
Allow me to explain. Centuries ago I sent the image of myself in the minds of your artists.The heavenly clouds they painted depict the vapour I exude.
I wish I've exuded anything that smelled half that good
Then what about these angels?Some king of Scooby-Do ask flashlight projection?
Actually those're mindless jacobirds.They keep my surface free of parasitic larva.
Aah. You didn't like country bird jamboree either, Leela.There's no pleasing you.
Dearest Bender! How are you? I'm fine.Everyone is happy here except Leela,but you know her. She didn't like country bird jamboree either.
I'm so madly in love with Yivo! I feel like a Schoolgrow with a crash on just in timberlakeand then she moves into the tiny house on his head/ We have giant rubies that taste likeSincerely, Fry
Letter for you, Hyperlord Bender!- Gimme that!
from: Philip J. Fry/HeavenTo: Bender
Honeymoon's over, right?
Turns outs your octopus girlfriend a big nag with curl in her tenticles, huh?
Well, let you see if Bender will take you back!
Stupid electro matter!
That was my best trash can!
Pain sensor overload.
Misfile me under you, for you forek (urban slang: High as a mother fucker)
ALL YOU CAN EAT FOREVER
You getting infinite number of meat dishes,
and a free refill on the soda!
Eureka! Another elementary proof of the Goldbach conjecture!
Okay, i admit people seem happy,
but it's all so...
wholesome!
And that is what's wrong with heaven.
It's boring!
There's no sleaze.
It's time snoo-snoo.
Me like snoo-snoo.
That's one to matures' island. It's allright naked!
Why were we so allways jealous and angry back in our universe?
I don't know. It was all so childish.
Look! It's Leela.
Hi, Leela.
I'm sorry you're not happy here Leela.
I'll call you an escalator.
You'll always be my little purple pumpkin.
You know, Yivo, i've loved and lost so many times
that i was afraid, but i'm not anymore.
I wanna stay here, with you.
What's happening?
If robots can't go to heaven, heaven can come to us!
All hand abaft!
Army of the damned! Prepare to board heaven!
Take that, you scummy cracen.
That'll teach you how to spoil our human booty.
Hello, big beak!
Too slow!
Missed me again!
Argh! Me footcap!
I stab ya!
Bender, stop destroying heaven!
Shut up, Duffy, i'm rescuing you!
Leave my living beings alone!
I love them.
Something you, a lifeless mechanism, would never understand.
He's right, Bender.
Please, Take you little pink sword and go home.
Seriously? But...
I did this all pirate thing attack for you!
wait a second!
Let me see that sword.
Fry, where did they get this electro matter?
Aaah.. is it dry up here?
How could you, Fry?
why did you think i've asked you not contact other universes?
I.. I didn't think..
No, you didn't. You broke your promise.
And you broke my heart.
Just go, all of you!
I must leave now.
The nature of your universe is burning me even worse than my gonorrhea.
You should get checked by the way.
If i don't go home now
i'll sklufficate.
Let me go with you!
It'll be just two of us,
we'll make a fire and play Uno!
Fray, stop. That's who we were, not who we are.
But...
My only consolation is that i did find one
among quadrillions who truely understands me.
Colline?
Wait a second, that's you and Yivo..
That's right, Fry. Thank you for introducing us!
Yivo has taught me what a narrow-minded prude i was before.
Oh great! So what am i supposed to do now?
Go home. Find a girl from your own universe and live on top of her.
Thank you!
May be Yivo was right.
May be i should look for love closer to home.
I don't know.Leela? You think may be..
Oh please. You forgot me quick enough when you met Coleene.
That's true.
How about you, Amy?
Fry, gah! I'm Kiff's fanfan ru.
Are you? Perhaps you misunderstood the meaning of the term.
It means 'One Who Does Not Sleep With My Superior Officer'.
That's the literal translation.
Give a poor girl a break, Kiff. It's not like she have addictionary.
She was butt-nagged for gods sakes.
So, Wordstorm, did you happen to notice those mighty cables Bender used on Yivo? Pure Dimondium!
More like pure crap-crapium! No wonder Yivo got away!
(all to each other) It's all your fault!
Captain on deck!
At ease, ?bakouse?
Bender, why did you do it?
We were all so happy.
And we were in love!
That wasn't love!
What? How can you say that?
Because Bender knows love.
And love doesn't shares itself with the world.
Love is suspicious, love is needy,
love is fearful, love is greedy.
My friends, there is no great love without great jealousy!
I love you meatbags!